Read {between} the lines

Dear Jonathan,

{I wish I could still use “dear” on you even when I’m not writing a letter.}

I’m just going to get to the point.

{Because if I don’t, the next generation won’t get to know what “trees” are...And even if I let my pen catch a glimpse of my heart and express all these feelings in written words on paper, it won’t be enough.}

You broke up with me.

{After cheating on me.}

Even though I already somewhat knew this was going to happen, to say I am perfectly fine right now would be a lie.

{Just like everything you ever said were.}

I’ve been crying. A lot.

{I'm running out of tears, really, because I’m slowly realising that our pathetic relationship was hopeless from the very start.} 

In fact, I find it hard to just get out of the house because when I hear the laughter of young  children or see a group of teens hanging out and having fun, my legs wobble and I just want to go back to the darkness of my room where there is no happiness I need to miss, no happiness around me that makes my aching heart feel empty and long for something that isn’t there anymore.

{I’m starting to take comfort in the shadows, the locked doors...and maybe sometimes that penknife lying innocently on my table. }

I really loved you.

{And I still do. Because my heart is not only blind but stupid.}

And when you told me “it was time to move on”,

{I know you meant for yourself  to “move on to Clara’s bed” but where did you say I’ll move on to again? Because I’ve lost all direction and I can't see the next destination anymore. }

I would have done anything if it could make you take your words back.

{For you to just say “I love you. I don’t want to leave you.” because another lie won’t hurt. Not as much as the truth.}

I don’t want to leave you. I really don’t. I know I have no choice if you’ve made up your mind but I’ll like to remind you of this.

{Because I think you might have forgotten. Or just not bothered to paid attention.}

Remember that rainy day when I forgot to bring an umbrella and I was drenched? The day you were coming home from an errand and you spotted my lone figure in the distance, dragging my exhausted,wet feet along the tarmac, shivering? Remember how you dashed across, wrapped your warm arms around me and sheltered me with your tiny umbrella even though you were getting wet?

{I know you’ve tossed it to the back of your mind along with all the other “trash”. But remember. Please.}

That was one of the best days of my life.

{Even if you don’t care.}

Because that was one of the only times you showed that you cared for me.

{Among all the other times you did not.}

I’ll always remember that day. It symbolises the start of some absolutely wonderful memories with you.

{And a whole lot of painful ones.}

I’ll miss you.

{Every freaking day of my freaking life.}

From,

Annabelle.

{Because I can’t use “Love, Anna.” anymore. You stole those words away from me. Along with anything that makes me smile.}